Found my nipples
Okay, so I was able to locate the nipples from the a/c condensate drain that tempestv8 mentioned and boy, they were exactly as described - two little black nipples. I've attached some photos to show the process, but it's a bit difficult to describe exactly where they're located other than saying that there is one on either side of the oil drain pan and about 6 - 12 inches up.
Since my carpeting is already sopping wet and I wasn't sure if trying to unclog the nipples from below would completely clear them out, I did the next best thing - I found their point of origin (where they connect into the a/c vent at driver and passenger side footwells) and unhooked them from there (actually quite easy - see the attached photos) and blew through them with my own breath - definitely do NOT suck in as your mouth will more than likely be filled with that nasty mixture of mud, water and gunk that's clogging the drains in the first place (luckily I thought about that result before trying it). Of course, I had to carefully pull up the carpet from the footwells in order to locate their point of origin, but it was fairly simple and didn't take long at all - a few screws here and there and also had to remove the sills (and the plastic cover over the screws on the sills) in order to start pulling it up.
I shot a few photos to try to help explain where the main connections are located as well as the actual nipples themselves. In my opinion, I think it best to find the drain's origin and blow out through there rather than climbing under the car, trying to locate the nipples, and then getting an armful of nasty water.
The photos (hopefully) go in order from driver's side point of origin, passenger side point of origin, passenger side nipple from below, driver side nipple from below.
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Watertight cabin, not so watertight.
